It's hard to re-date someone who's broken your heart. I know, this is pretty self-explanatory, but you know me, I'm going to elaborate, and expound, and basically beat the horse to death.
Sometimes I think it's cool that I have this history with my beau. It's kinda cool to know how he likes his pancakes, and all of his friends and family. It's nice that I already know his quirks, and that I can handle them. I enjoy knowing his stories from childhood, and I like that we already really know and get one another (well, as much as the two of us will ever "get" the other one).
But other times, I'm annoyed that I have this history with him. Sometimes it's annoying that I already know what story he's going to tell when he starts it. And I often find it frustrating to hear stories about things he's done while we weren't together...and that was about a year and a half worth of stuff.
I think the most annoying part though is constantly being reminded of someone he dated while we weren't together. I know, I know, I dated...a lot. But it's ok for me, I was the break-upee. And no, I don't think that's hypocritical, it's just the way it is. Period.
Aside from me being the cat that curiosity kills again and again because I never seem to learn, I'm frequently confronted with others who recognize me as being a girlfriend from the past, but yet don't necessarily remember that we were apart for quite some time. Oh yeah, it's great fun to sit around a table with mutual friends and acquaintances, one of whom asks "So you're the one who was his date at so-and-so's wedding right? Another so-and-so was talking about what a great couple you were and how nice it was that he finally found someone."
First of all, NO, I was not his date at that wedding. I was there, but I was there ALONE. Thank you very much for reminding me. And thanks again for the flashback memory of watching him dance the night away with the other woman. And I'm so glad to hear so-and-so thinks they make such a great couple.
The other woman is a very nice person, and she's never been anything less than cordial and congenial towards me. I don't care. I don't want to hear stories about what she sewed for MY beau, or how great she looked at so-and-so's wedding, etc. etc. etc. As far as I'm concerned, I'd like to pretend she doesn't exist. I know it's petty, childish and immature. I don't effing care.
As if all this wasn't bad enough, she and him are still good friends. Like calling each other, texting, getting beers to "catch up" kind of friends. Oh yeah, that goes over REAL well with me. Apparently she recently expressed interest in having drinks with her new boyfriend and us. HA! That'll be over my dead body. (Actually, once I get over being such a jealous, judgmental, resentful bitch, we probably will. But right now, I'm enjoying my cynical self.)
Technically, I "won" since he and I are back together again, so I should just be happy that he's such a good person and can remain friends with exes. Yeah, I could barely get that sentence out without gagging.
Maybe someday I'll mature and act my age, but until then I'll broadcast my juvenile thoughts in a blog for all the world to see :)
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