Pulling a Miriam

Sometimes all it takes is for someone to agree with you.  Someone to say "Yeah, you're right, you really don't know what you're doing...."

"Of course you feel like a fish outta water..."

"Yep, you are incompetent in that area...and you know why???  Because you haven't learned that yet."

I admit it, I'm a perfectionist, and with that comes unrealistically high expectations of myself.  I think I should be doing more, reaching higher, climbing faster.  And I think I should be able to do these things even though I don't have the adequate knowledge or tools to do so.  It's even more difficult because sometimes I don't even realize that it's ok that I don't know these things yet...

Emotionally speaking, I'm in a place that someone who's in their 40's or 50's generally is.  I'm attempting to figure shit out that someone who's got 10-20 years of experience on me hasn't even figured out yet. No wonder I feel like I've lost my life's pattern. 

Professionally speaking, I learned today that I'm expecting myself to know how to do things an MSW grad sometimes hasn't even learned yet.  I'm expecting myself to "knit a chart" without knowing how to read a chart...we haven't had that class yet!   

My friend Miriam is a phenomenal knitter.  She'll fearlessly attempt just about any pattern...and then half way through determine the designer doesn't know what he/she's talking about.  She'll research other ideas, get opinions of fellow knitters, and then make up the rest of the pattern herself.  Miriam's knit items almost always turn out exactly as the picture, even though she didn't follow the designer's instructions.  Sometimes, her items turn out better. 

So after a little validation today, I've decided I'm going to "pull a Miriam" and make up my own pattern.  Nope, I don't know how to read a chart yet.  But I'm learning, and in the meantime I'm pretty resourceful, I know who to ask for help, and I'll figure it out....one row at a time.