Dear Parenting Magazine

I have been receiving your magazine for the last several months.  I don't know why.  I did not subscribe, nor did I pay.  Oh, and I don't have any children, thus I am not a parent.

I find it ironic that your magazine showed up in my mailbox around the time I turned 30.  In lieu of social customs, I understand that you may assume I am in a committed relationship and ready to think about starting a family.  Thank you for the not-so-subtle reminder that I am neither of these things. 

Perhaps I have misunderstood your intent and this is actually an attempt at poignant sarcasm.  Hey, I have a sense of humor, I can take a joke!  In the spirit of good sportsmanship, might I suggest also subscribing me to Good Housekeeping and Fitness Magazine.  

While I appreciate your monthly reminders, I would like to decline the free subscription.  You see, I'm perfectly content with my life as is.  Scooping dog poop from the backyard is really the only kind of feces I care to deal with at the moment.  My desire to take responsibility for anything more serious than what outfit to wear is nil.  Like many others, I would like to have my life in some semblance of order before I venture into parenting.  Maybe you could send me condoms instead of the magazine...just a suggestion.

Sincerely,
Single, Childless and Ok