We're Not In Missoula Anymore, Man

Mel’s Top 10:  How to Tell You’re in Michigan and Not Montana


10. The humidity afros your hair faster than you can say “Holy hotness, Batman!”

9. You walk into your parent’s house and immediately feel 13 again. The words “As long as you’re under my roof…” echo in your head, as if you haven’t been living on your own and making your own decisions (and suffering the consequences) for the last 10 years.

8. Your favorite t-shirt from high school is in the top drawer where it’s been for 15 years. It’s still as soft and comfy as ever...with a few more holes.

7. When you’re back in the saddle again, it refers to your dad’s old Honda 4-wheeler not a horse. And sitting on it feels as familiar as your favorite pair of Levi’s.

6. Churches have the first vote (and can veto without a word of explanation) the sale of liquor licenses for any business that’s within 500 feet of its cross-bearing doors.

5. A walk in the woods doesn’t smell like fresh pine. Instead it’s the perfume of your childhood; moist black dirt, plush ferns, moss, Poplar trees (not called Aspens in MI) and decaying oak leaves.

4. Carbonated, sugar-infused, acidic water is called “pop” not “soda.” Requesting a soda in a restaurant will be met with a look of utter confusion from the wait-staff.

3. “Highways” refers to 2-laned, 55mph roads with names such as M-57 and M-46. “Expressway” refers to four-laned, 70mph roads like I-96 and US 131. The two terms are not interchangeable, and people get very confused if you try.

2. You go “tubing” in MI and “floating” in MT.

1.5 You can go berry picking on the back 40, literally. While scavenging, scaring a bear isn’t the main concern, mosquitoes are.

And the #1 way to tell you’re not in Missoula Anymore…..

1. When you meet a buddy (or your Dad) for lunch on a weekday, he declines a mid-day beer because he “has to go back to work.” I sometimes forget how liberal MT is alcohol-wise…it was only a few years ago that we outlawed driving with an open container of alcohol in the vehicle.