Adios!

There’s something about Missoula men, they seem to have very similar characteristics. Many of the guys around here are emotionally stunted, adrenaline junky, commitment-phobes who drink way too much, way too often. Not ALL Missoula men are like this, I am stereotyping. But you know what they say about stereotypes; they save time. (I don’t really think that, but it’s funny!) Just when a girl thinks maybe she’s stereotyping a bit too much, she meets yet another dude who fits the bill. It’s frustrating.

Maybe you’ve been casually spending time together for a few days, or perhaps seeing each other for a few weeks. Maybe you’re sleeping together, and maybe you’re not. No matter which, I think we can all agree that ending things is uncomfortable and awkward. Sometimes you really just want to send someone packing without actually having the conversation. So ladies, here’s Mel’s Top Ten ways to get rid of a Missoula guy without having to say “we’re done.” Some of these are phony, and some I’ve learned firsthand…can you tell which is which??

10. Sport an “I hate Subaru” t-shirt.

9. Either tell him you hate dogs, or that yours is aggressive with other animals and he can’t bring his dog over when he comes to watch a movie.

8. Order a soda at dinner, and proclaim you don’t drink alcohol.

7. If #8 is too far-fetched, and/or you’ve already ordered a glass of wine, tell him your favorite beer is Coors Light. He’ll be outta there faster than he can text his buddies “K-hole in 10.”

6. Tell him you keep a stash of baby clothes because someday you want kids. This one is actually kind of fun, you get to watch his face quickly drain of all color and satisfyingly listen to him blubber something about how he’s suddenly feeling sick and needs to go.

5. Invite him to attend church with you at 8am on Sunday.

4. When he asks what brand of hiking boots you own, snottily reply “I’m not really a fan of the outdoors.”

3. Talk about yourself, and don’t let him get a word in edgewise. He’ll hate that you’re stealing his thunder, and he won’t even understand the irony that this is what he does ALL THE TIME.

2. Try to set a second date before the first one is finished.

And the #1 way to send a guy running faster than the flow of the Clark Fork river….

1. Give the impression that you’re interested in a relationship.