Single

I’m frequently asked “Why are you still single?” It’s happened so often lately that I’ve started to wonder myself, “Why AM I single??” Like one of my previous hospice patients pointed out, I’m not the homeliest girl in the world, I’m reasonably attractive. I’m intelligent and funny, or at least I think so. I crack myself up every day! So, why am I 30 and single? The short answer is that I have yet to find a compatible partner. While true, this doesn’t seem quite adequate…..

I really feel like I have the “whole package” so-to-speak. I think my personal ad pretty much writes itself:

SWF, Divorced, no kids but 2 very spoiled dogs who are the center of my world. I don’t cook, I don’t clean, I don’t compromise. I do what I want, when I want. I’m always right, and will debate to the death in attempt to prove this. I don’t grocery shop. I mow the lawn and change my own oil and tires… Preference is given to a guy who has the proper tools for me to accomplish these. I like things my way. I don’t give out a lot of compliments, though I like to receive them. All the closets in my house are full of my clothes, any potential partner should provide his own storage in the form of a shed or trailer. I’m open and honest, and hate lying. My brother is and will remain the most important guy in my life, period. I talk and knit during movies. Should I miss a key point in the plot, my partner is expected to provide a brief recap without complaint. Said partner should enthusiastically request handknit items, but only after trust in the relationship is fully established. If the relationship fizzles, I retain rights to all handknit items. My money is my money and I’ll spend it how I want. I’m moody and irritable if I don’t get enough sleep…and sometimes even when I do get enough sleep. I’m responsible, respectful and independent. Seeking SM between the ages of 28 and 38 who can deal with all this.

With such incredible character traits, one must wonder “Why AM I single????” It just isn’t clear….