After a conversation with a friend about dating faux pas we've both committed and experienced, I thought I'd write a little piece on appropriate dating behavior. I apologize if I inadertently hurt anyone's feelings. I'm cruel because I care. I really do love you all and want you to be happy... While misery loves company, I'm quite content to be bitter and single all on my own. So here are some things to keep in mind as you navigate the dating world.
1. Under no circumstances should you say "I love you" within the first 5 dates. In my opinion, you shouldn't say it for at least the first 6 months since that's the average amount of time it takes for people to feel comfortable enough to show their true colors, but I'm old fashioned like that.
2. Asking about someone's income only makes you look like a gold digger.
3. Do NOT talk about an ex or someone you are currently or have recently dated until you've hit full-blown relationship status. I don't care how hot the girl was you went out with 2 weeks ago. And I bet you don't care how good my ex was in bed. I'm all about equality and it's tit for tat in my world; you get what you give. Hit a nerve with me, and I'll hit one with you.
4. Refrain from telling your new Someone about the time(s) you almost ran over your ex with the car. Unless of course you want to send him or her packing immediately.
5. Don't get drunk on the first date. This should be common sense, but apparently it isn't.
6. It's best to leave dirty laundry at home in the hamper. Literally & figuratively. Wear clean clothes, and for God's sake take a shower. And don't overshare. It's awkward.
7. Don't go on 2 dates in one day. If you do, don't put it on a blog for the whole world (and one of the dates) to see.
8. Be on time, especially during the first several dates. I know people think "Missoula time" is acceptable, but it's rude.
9. If you must cancel a date, give at least 2 hours notice. I think I'm being pretty liberal here. My instinct is to say 24 hours. Of course, there are exceptions for emergencies.
10. Don't leave DURING the date. Have some respect. Finish what you started. You don't have to see the person again, but at least see the current date through.
There you have it, Mel's Dating Rules. If you have any to share, please post a comment....I'd love to hear more :)
2 comments:
Along the lines of number 1: don't even go in that direction.. at all in the first few weeks/months. Saying "I think I am falling in love with you" is completely uncalled for. Especially when you corner the person to tell them..and they can't get away.. giving them nightmares 9 months after the incident.
Requesting contact is bad, too. For example: "E-mail me something good" - Umm.. how about I just stop contacting you all together?
Oh yeah.. another one: don't travel to a city to patch things up with your long time significant other, and then break away and hide to make a call to someone you may or may not be interested in. Getting caught and lying about it makes it worse..
I probably have more.. a lot more. That's all for now.
Let's see...I have committed some of these and had others commit some against me.
1. I NEVER say those words to boyfriends. Only to my friends and family – the relationships I know will last!
3, 4, 5, 7, and 10 were actually done to me by the only real date I’ve had since moving to Missoula. My first real date in about 3 years as a matter of fact. (Yes, all of these happened on the same date.) And people wonder why I don’t date much…
3/6. Talking about an ex/dirty laundry: I don’t like hearing about exes – good or bad – ever, unless it’s absolutely necessary. And I don’t like telling about mine to a potential guy either. I’ve never had a guy talk about a hot ex or an ex that was good in bed – but a guy who talks shit about an ex is just as bad. If he talks bad about her, I always wonder what he’ll say about me…
6. I once wore jeans on a date to a baseball game that had a tiny barely noticeable stain on them. The guy I was with had already proven himself to be a jerk, but part of the way thru the game he put his finger on the stain and said “Thanks for dressing up for me.” That combined with other crap nearly made me ditch him – but we were at a baseball game – beer and wieners make everything bearable.
7. Did it once and got caught. My second date of the night just so happened to be at the same show that my first date went to after dropping a “sick” me off at home. Caught in the act!
My worst experiences not on your list: the guy who took me on one date, made a crappy excuse to come inside, raped my face with his tongue (pardon the expression, but it’s an accurate description), and assumed we were at the sleep-over stage already; guy (on our first date) telling me about his plan to get hair plugs; guy who took me to my favorite pizza place to cheer me up after a bad day at work – then showed me porn and super sexually explicit email jokes on his phone as further effort to cheer me up (we’d never even kissed yet!)
I LOVE: The ones who bring flowers on the first date; cute approaches to a first kiss; having an actual plan on a date instead of “where do you wanna go. I dunno. Where do you wanna go”; and making an obvious, even if slight, effort to look nice (fresh haircuts, clean clothes, and faint aftershave are fantastic!).
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