My Dearest Reese & Harley,
It's been awfully difficult being so far away from you two. I've been missing you both like crazy, and in the midst of feeling so alone without you, I must confess I have strayed. I slept with another dog. I swear I was only thinking of you the whole time!
If you must know, she reminded me of younger versions of you both. Since you asked, she's a German Wire-haired Pointer, with similar coloring to Harley, but her hair is longer. She gave enthusiastic kisses like Reese usually gives. Harley, you used to kiss me like that when you were a young pup. Now, you don't give kisses unless I've been away for extended periods of time.
Now this may hurt so brace yourselves, I fell for her on a walk. I know, I rarely take you for walks in the winter. But she was so much more well-behaved on leash than you guys are. I'm sorry, I know that's hard to hear.
Back at the house, she snuggled up to me and laid her head on my lap the way you do, Harley. I couldn't resist, so I petted her. Does it make you feel better to know your hair is softer?
When the time came to head to the bedroom, it seemed only natural that she should come with me. I swear, this is the first and only time I've done something like this. Please don't ask me to promise I won't do it again, we both know I'd be lying.
I'll be home again soon, and the three of us can snuggle and cuddle under the covers the way we all love; Reese on the left and Harley on the right. It's like a Melanie Sandwich. I'll make it up to you, and I'll do my best to show you both that you're my favorite. I hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me.
All my love,
Your Mama
Monday, December 27, 2010
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Vanilla
In a conversation about significant others, sex, and dating a friend recently called me “Vanilla.” He was trying to be funny, and he’s pretty Vanilla himself, but I was slightly offended. He said it because I don’t date often, and I’m picky about who I’ll go out with. I don’t kiss on the first date, sometimes not even until the 3rd or 4th date. And don’t get me started about sex. With as much as people sleep around, and as prevalent as STD’s are, I’m careful about who has access. I’ve never been arrested, never been to jail, never done drugs, I haven’t even smoked pot. I do drink, and I’ve even been drunk on a few rare occasions, but again it’s rare. I usually only consume about one to 2 drinks in one sitting, mainly because I started an antidepressant and found out the hard way that Zoloft and alcohol don’t mix. I suppose this makes me Vanilla too.
I’ve been thinking about this whole Vanilla thing for a couple weeks now, and keep trying to come up with ways that prove I’m not Vanilla. I love rock music, and I swear like a sailor, that’s got to at least count for Strawberry status! I also own a leopard print bra. I have a very sexy bra, panty and garter set complete with thigh high stockings, but I’ve only worn it once so that might not count. I also own several pairs of thong underwear. I never wear them so they probably don’t count either. I’m divorced. I can’t drink Tequila anymore because I got trashed on Margaritas when I was 20 and the smell turns my stomach now. I had a one night stand in 2007. I once rear-ended a guy on the expressway in Colorado because I was too busy admiring Christmas lights to notice he had come to a complete stop in front of me. I took advantage at REI when a clerk accidentally gave me a huge discount on a pair of very expensive Asolo hiking boots, and I knew it but didn’t say anything. I almost ran over my ex-husband twice; once on the night of the Margaritas, and once when he pissed me off. (Honest, they were both accidental!) I also punched him in the face. That wasn't accidental. I recently put a shot of peppermint Shnapp’s in my hot chocolate when I was working. I swore at an elderly lady. I broke off a friendship because I didn’t like her kid. An ex-boyfriend and his best friend stole a Christmas tree out of someone’s front yard and I didn’t turn them in. I own an aggressive dog. Last spring I went on 2 dates in one day (sorry Chip). I used to drive 75 on a 55mph back road in Michigan. It scared the shit out of my brother on our daily commute to school. I have 2papers due tomorrow, only 1 of which is half done.
Need I go on?? Clearly I am NOT Vanilla…I may not be at the Chocolate level, but I at least have to be Strawberry… Right?
I’ve been thinking about this whole Vanilla thing for a couple weeks now, and keep trying to come up with ways that prove I’m not Vanilla. I love rock music, and I swear like a sailor, that’s got to at least count for Strawberry status! I also own a leopard print bra. I have a very sexy bra, panty and garter set complete with thigh high stockings, but I’ve only worn it once so that might not count. I also own several pairs of thong underwear. I never wear them so they probably don’t count either. I’m divorced. I can’t drink Tequila anymore because I got trashed on Margaritas when I was 20 and the smell turns my stomach now. I had a one night stand in 2007. I once rear-ended a guy on the expressway in Colorado because I was too busy admiring Christmas lights to notice he had come to a complete stop in front of me. I took advantage at REI when a clerk accidentally gave me a huge discount on a pair of very expensive Asolo hiking boots, and I knew it but didn’t say anything. I almost ran over my ex-husband twice; once on the night of the Margaritas, and once when he pissed me off. (Honest, they were both accidental!) I also punched him in the face. That wasn't accidental. I recently put a shot of peppermint Shnapp’s in my hot chocolate when I was working. I swore at an elderly lady. I broke off a friendship because I didn’t like her kid. An ex-boyfriend and his best friend stole a Christmas tree out of someone’s front yard and I didn’t turn them in. I own an aggressive dog. Last spring I went on 2 dates in one day (sorry Chip). I used to drive 75 on a 55mph back road in Michigan. It scared the shit out of my brother on our daily commute to school. I have 2papers due tomorrow, only 1 of which is half done.
Need I go on?? Clearly I am NOT Vanilla…I may not be at the Chocolate level, but I at least have to be Strawberry… Right?
Saturday, December 11, 2010
MSW Finals Weekend
Ladies and Gentleman; my esteemed MSW colleagues and friends,
The weekend we have all been dreading is here. The last weekend of the semester is already upon us, and if any of you have been preparing as I have, then I’m sure you’re losing sleep, downing cups of coffee like shots at the Rhino, and frantically looking for sources to cite.
While we’ve all been aware of our final assignments for at least two full weeks, precious few took the initiative to commence work early. It is possible there aren’t any of us who did this. I know I didn’t. Other social work commitments got in the way; friend’s birthday celebrations, First Friday festivities, reruns of Friends and The Office, or for Barbs, Steph and I, needles, hooks and yarn.
As such, it is now time to officially buckle down and complete all unfinished assignments. It’s time to put words to paper, ANY words to paper, because let’s face it at this point it doesn’t matter if those words make sense. Now is the time to run, walk, slide your way on our snowy, icy Missoula roads to The Break, Liquid Planet, Mansfield Library, or Zootown Brew, because ironically, public locations pose fewer distractions than working at home.
We’ve come a long way, and we’ve become quite skilled at procrastination, the key to graduate work. Some are more skilled than others, and a few (Jake) will ski today, knowing there’s always tomorrow for paper writing. Procrastinate on, my friend! You’re a true inspiration.
In closing, I would like to encourage you to secure your location early and guard it fiercely, order espresso by the gallon, and be sure you cite and rephrase so as to not plagiarize. Go forth to your loud, public coffee shop of choice and remember, in the words of our Fore Mothers and Fathers “A good paper, is a done paper.”
The weekend we have all been dreading is here. The last weekend of the semester is already upon us, and if any of you have been preparing as I have, then I’m sure you’re losing sleep, downing cups of coffee like shots at the Rhino, and frantically looking for sources to cite.
While we’ve all been aware of our final assignments for at least two full weeks, precious few took the initiative to commence work early. It is possible there aren’t any of us who did this. I know I didn’t. Other social work commitments got in the way; friend’s birthday celebrations, First Friday festivities, reruns of Friends and The Office, or for Barbs, Steph and I, needles, hooks and yarn.
As such, it is now time to officially buckle down and complete all unfinished assignments. It’s time to put words to paper, ANY words to paper, because let’s face it at this point it doesn’t matter if those words make sense. Now is the time to run, walk, slide your way on our snowy, icy Missoula roads to The Break, Liquid Planet, Mansfield Library, or Zootown Brew, because ironically, public locations pose fewer distractions than working at home.
We’ve come a long way, and we’ve become quite skilled at procrastination, the key to graduate work. Some are more skilled than others, and a few (Jake) will ski today, knowing there’s always tomorrow for paper writing. Procrastinate on, my friend! You’re a true inspiration.
In closing, I would like to encourage you to secure your location early and guard it fiercely, order espresso by the gallon, and be sure you cite and rephrase so as to not plagiarize. Go forth to your loud, public coffee shop of choice and remember, in the words of our Fore Mothers and Fathers “A good paper, is a done paper.”
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